Ambiguous hope
Ambiguous Hope
There was loss…
More than I could keep tabs on
Turning in circles
Not able to look ahead with a crooked neck
One day (ever so subtle)
It began within me
An ambiguous hope
Knocking each morning with invitation
To this life
Come
See
Seek
Find
That which was lost
has been found
Keep on you, adventurer
To play in this eternal game of lost and found
The phrase ambiguous hope came to mind a few days ago. 2020 was full of what I’d come to identify as ambiguous loss (check out this blog I wrote about it). I’ve been having reptious conversations with artists, friends and locals about what lies ahead: the unknown. Most of my life has been defined by movement, looking forward and hope in plans for the future. Maybe it comes with the territory of “growing up” (*roll eyes*) and living with dreams on hold in pandemic… but for the first time I don’t have an answer for you in response to “what’s next?”. I have a lot of people to thank in welcoming my verbal processing, teary moments and deconstructing a life of performance-based striving into a life of presence and gratitude. I sense, brooding in my bones an ambiguous hope. It’s not a hope defined by my salary, country, president, relationship status, travel plans or accolades. It’s a mysterious, subtle hope found in mundane moments like this one: sitting at the cluttered kitchen table with afternoon light streaming in, hearing the sound of my thoughts typed out to words.
If you have been feeling hopeless, overwhelmed or underwhelmed by life and the world these days: you’re not alone. May an ambiguous, holy hope begin to take root in your heart today. Let’s chat (I have time!) I would love to join you in this journey and pray for your world as I process the wonder and brokenness of this world.