Ambiguous hope

Ambiguous Hope

There was loss…

More than I could keep tabs on


Turning in circles

Not able to look ahead with a crooked neck

One day (ever so subtle)

It began within me

An ambiguous hope

Knocking each morning with invitation

To this life

Come

See

Seek

Find

That which was lost

has been found

Keep on you, adventurer

To play in this eternal game of lost and found

“Trinity” photo taken in Paris, 2019, Owned by Private Collectorreflection and self portrait thinking of the past, present and future, the shadow and reaching out to light.

“Trinity” photo taken in Paris, 2019, Owned by Private Collector

reflection and self portrait thinking of the past, present and future, the shadow and reaching out to light.

The phrase ambiguous hope came to mind a few days ago. 2020 was full of what I’d come to identify as ambiguous loss (check out this blog I wrote about it). I’ve been having reptious conversations with artists, friends and locals about what lies ahead: the unknown. Most of my life has been defined by movement, looking forward and hope in plans for the future. Maybe it comes with the territory of “growing up” (*roll eyes*) and living with dreams on hold in pandemic… but for the first time I don’t have an answer for you in response to “what’s next?”. I have a lot of people to thank in welcoming my verbal processing, teary moments and deconstructing a life of performance-based striving into a life of presence and gratitude. I sense, brooding in my bones an ambiguous hope. It’s not a hope defined by my salary, country, president, relationship status, travel plans or accolades. It’s a mysterious, subtle hope found in mundane moments like this one: sitting at the cluttered kitchen table with afternoon light streaming in, hearing the sound of my thoughts typed out to words.

If you have been feeling hopeless, overwhelmed or underwhelmed by life and the world these days: you’re not alone. May an ambiguous, holy hope begin to take root in your heart today. Let’s chat (I have time!) I would love to join you in this journey and pray for your world as I process the wonder and brokenness of this world.

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HOPE