A diagnosis of Eternal Life

You makes my lie down in green pastures (psalm 23) Photo of Mom on Mount Tamalpais in March on film

The past month has been full of diagnosis, tests and a revelation that Life indeed is precious. My mother celebrated her 60th birthday on May 6. The same week she was diagnosed with stage 4 colorectal cancer (CRC). Most days here at home we are on the brink of both tears and joy. The initial discovery of a cancerous tumor brought uncertainty yet a new current of faith into our family and relationships. My eyes have been opened to the preciousness of life. We have been living in the duality of thankfulness and unknown.

Last May, 2020 I made the difficult decision to move back “home” to California after nearly four years in Paris. It was the day of Pentecost, the sun was setting as I read Acts 2 sitting in the middle of a path in the Cité Universitaire park. Imbedded in the chapter is Psalm 16:

“‘I saw the Lord always before me.
Because he is at my right hand,
I will not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body also will rest in hope,
because you will not abandon me to the realm of the dead,
you will not let your holy one see decay.
You have made known to me the paths of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence.’

The words of “making known the paths of life” tugged deeply at my wandering soul. I looked at the last golden light falling on the trees and thought of the Californian light and knew it was time to go back… not knowing why or what awaited me on the golden shores of my upbringing. Here I am today, almost a year later as Mom begins her first round of radiation as I write these words. I listen to the songbirds in the garden, consider the many flowers that are in bloom and am filled with JOY in the presence of this unknown… knowing only that this diagnosis is also one of eternal life. We pray for miracles, we have faith that there will be healing, yet we sit in the mess of reality.

Here in this moment of eternity, I attempt to live out the name my mother gave me: hope.

Hope beyond circumstance, beyond scans or life plans. A hope that finds a home in these in-between seasons and watches the garden bloom in the meantime.

I fyou would like to follow along my mom’s journey, she has been journaling on Caringbridge. We appreciate all your love, support and prayers in this time. My mother is the strongest woman I know, her faith is anchor of her life, it is a joy to be living at home in this wild season.