Hope Curran

Screens.

This year has been one of many screens, layers, notifications, messages, cancellations and staring at my reflection through it all. A year ago I was planning on a 6-month research project around the globe on the theme of home. As COVID hit, slowly all my trips were cancelled and plans were changed. A new transparency came through my screen as I poured out my soul into my Masters thesis within the walls of my art studio in Paris. I would later find out I needed glasses due to the eye strain and time on the computer- I was in need of new vision.

Amidst pandemic, falling in love, finishing school and living with as an expat with expired visa in France I had to make a decision on where I would call home. They say distance makes the heart grow fonder.

As I scrolled through headlines of protest, political unrest and what seemed to be America on fire while sitting in the middle of perfect sunny park in Paris, the light reminded me of California. In that moment I knew I needed to go home.

Facetime calls throughout six months of long-distance relationship across an ocean kept me looking further into my screen. Eye contact proved challenging through pixels and poor wifi connection. For four years while in Paris I lived nine hours in the future. There was a sense of living leaning forward into time, constantly tripping and tip toeing to the future. My mind was a fixed on two time-zones, waiting for my other world and life to wake up.

As I handed my expired student visa to the border control at Charles de Gaulle, he laughed and asked “Tu as bien aimée votre séjour en France?”. Tears blurred my vision as I choked out a few words how my “visit” changed my life. I walked towards my gate with overweight bags not knowing when the borders will open again, when I will return to Paris and how the past four years of my life have been marked by a search for home.

These portraits are a reflection. There are flowers and light found in the suburbs. I sit ion zoom calls in my “butterfly yellow” room- the color I picked out in 7th grade at Home Depot. I have a small palm plant as a daily visual reminder- here and there, I have roots. Here and there I shall grow. Perhaps these screens are also mirrors… Mirrors in which we can discover ourselves and our world from the walls of our home.